sunbiz1
08-07-2008, 08:47 AM
Breaking news: In light of the tailgating ban, the Chargers/NFL have taken further steps to create a loving, fan friendly environment at games:
All beer will be replaced with Sharps. This will be served in 8oz glasses with a limit of (2) per of age ticket holder.
All meat products will be replaced by a turkey or soy product.
Nachos will be replaced by a salad drizzled in a low fat vinegar based dressing.
Non-alcoholic carbonated beverages will be replaced with lemon flavored spring water.
People with a BMI over the national average will be restricted to the Tofu concessions. Violaters will be sent directly to fat camp.
Any fan emitting a noise of greater than (30) decibels shall be tazered and removed from the facility.
Any attendee caught rolling their eyes at a Philip Rivers interception shall also be tazered and removed from the facility.
Clean underwear shall be worn. Inspections shall be conducted at every gate.
Not flossing before a game could result in a revocation of ticket privileges.
People with unsightly nose hair shall not be admitted.
Body posture while seated shall remain ergonomically correct.
One defecation per person. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dress code shall strictly be enforced. A shirt and tie will be required at ALL times, particularly during defecation.
Fans whose cars MSRP is less the $50,000 shall no longer be able to park within 1000 yards of Qualcomm Stadium.
All fans entering the park shall be required to stop and pray at the statue of Alex Spanos PRIOR to taking their seat.ALL FANS FOUND IN NON-COMPLIANCE OF TWO OR MORE RULES SHALL BE REMOVED FROM THE FACILITY AND SHIPPED TO GUANTANAMO BAY FOR IMMEDIATE WATER BOARDING...!!!
All beer will be replaced with Sharps. This will be served in 8oz glasses with a limit of (2) per of age ticket holder.
All meat products will be replaced by a turkey or soy product.
Nachos will be replaced by a salad drizzled in a low fat vinegar based dressing.
Non-alcoholic carbonated beverages will be replaced with lemon flavored spring water.
People with a BMI over the national average will be restricted to the Tofu concessions. Violaters will be sent directly to fat camp.
Any fan emitting a noise of greater than (30) decibels shall be tazered and removed from the facility.
Any attendee caught rolling their eyes at a Philip Rivers interception shall also be tazered and removed from the facility.
Clean underwear shall be worn. Inspections shall be conducted at every gate.
Not flossing before a game could result in a revocation of ticket privileges.
People with unsightly nose hair shall not be admitted.
Body posture while seated shall remain ergonomically correct.
One defecation per person. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dress code shall strictly be enforced. A shirt and tie will be required at ALL times, particularly during defecation.
Fans whose cars MSRP is less the $50,000 shall no longer be able to park within 1000 yards of Qualcomm Stadium.
All fans entering the park shall be required to stop and pray at the statue of Alex Spanos PRIOR to taking their seat.ALL FANS FOUND IN NON-COMPLIANCE OF TWO OR MORE RULES SHALL BE REMOVED FROM THE FACILITY AND SHIPPED TO GUANTANAMO BAY FOR IMMEDIATE WATER BOARDING...!!!