Military Jokes

[geckoguy]

A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down in the field for
the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, "When you see all the
stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?"
The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the
universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but wonder
if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why? What do
you think of, Sergeant?"
"I think... I think somebody stole the tent again.

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer!
Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120
minutes to "Happy Hour."

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone,
told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message.
In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man,
he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

An air force officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two Seabees harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this Seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!

There's more at http://www.military-quotes.com/military-jokes-humor.htm

[geckoguy]

I think I should say, don't take these too seriously. I don't have anything against our military, this is just for laughs.

[chargertom]

Four officers are sitting at the Officer's Club, talking about which branch of the military has the most balls.

The Marine General tells them "Let's go over to my base ... I'll show you balls". So they go over to his base, and he orders a Sargeant on the firing range to mow down all his fellow grunts. Without batting an eye, the Sargeant complies. The General turns to the other three, and says "Now that's balls."

The Army General says "Let's go over to my base ... I'll show you balls". So they go over to his base, and he hollers at a Sargeant to get front and center. The Sargeant runs over, and the General tells him "Go get in that tank, and drive it off that cliff down there". After a sharp salute, the tank roars off ... straight over the cliff. The General turns to the others present, and says "Now that's balls!"

The Air Force General says "Let's go over to my base ... I'll show you balls". They get in the staff car, and drive to the air field. The General hollers at a Lieutenant to get front and center. The Lieutenant runs up, and the General tells him "Get in that F-16 over there, take-off, climb straight up to 35,000 feet .. and then nose it over and dive it into the air field. The Lieutenant sharply salutes him ... and does exactly what the General tells him to. After the huge fireball that follows, the General says "Now that's balls!"

Finally the old Navy Admiral speaks up. "If you guys are done goofing around, we'll go over to my base, and I'll show you what balls really is." So they get back into the staff car, and drive over to North Island. When the four officers reach the flight deck of the aircraft carrier, the Admiral shouts at a sailor to get front and center. The sailor runs up, and gives his best salute. He stands at rigid attention as the Admiral tells him "Sailor ... I want you to climb up to the top of that mast. You'll be fifteen stories above this steel flight deck, but I want you to do a perfect swan dive into the deck right here at our feet."

The Sailor stands there for a minute .. and then says "Admiral, sir, are you out of your freaking mind???"

To which the Admiral smirks, and says "Now THAT'S balls!!"

Go Chargers ... and Go Navy!!

[SDRaiderH8er]

This Story is out of a Book called "The Sled Driver" SR-71 Pilot Brian Shul writes:

" I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (his Backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 Miles high. We were monitoring various radio Transmissions from other Aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didnt really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope.

I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed."

"90 Knots" Center Answered.

Moments later a Twin Beech requested the same.
"120 Knots" Center answered.

"We were'nt the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day, as almost instantly an F-18 snuggly transmitted.

" Ah Center, Dusty 52 requsts groundspeed readout" There is a slight pause, then the response
"525 Knots on the ground Dusty 52"

Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was I heard a familiar click of a Radio Transmission coming from my Back Seater. It was at this precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.
"Center,this is Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed Readout for us?" There was a longer then normal Pause...

"Aspen 20, I show 1,742 Knots"


No further groundspeed inquiries were heard on that Frequency.

[SDRaiderH8er]

In another famous SR-71 Flight Story.

Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 600. The incredulous Controller with some obvious disdain in his voice asked.

"And how do you plan to get UP TO 60,000 FEET?"

The Pilot (obviously a Sled Driver) responded.

" WE do not plan to GO UP to it. We plan to GO DOWN to it."




He was Cleared.

[paulbiggs]

hey i tried getting into the marines took all the tests scored high on the asvab but still they would not let me in. why you ask my head did not fit in the jar provided. this is only joke thanks for your service

[wilrab]

What do you call a 300 pound hooker in Oceanside?








A heavy Marine layer

[broncossuck7]

why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottomed boats?

So they can have a great view of their air force!!

[kingporterblood]

Originally posted by: broncossuck7
why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottomed boats?

So they can have a great view of their air force!!

lol now that was funny!

[Aggrazel]

An air force officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two Seabees harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this Seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!



lol hoorah seabee!