30 Funny Sayings

[LTfan4life]

1) Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
2) I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
3) The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
4) You can't have everything....where would you put it?
5) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
6) Growing old is manditory, growing up is optional.
7) Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
8) I live on a one-way dead-end street.
9) I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
10) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
11) When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape.
12) Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
13) Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!
14) He's as happy as a Pig in sh**
15) As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
16) He's as bent as a butchers hook
17) She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs
18) About as interesting as watching paint dry
19) As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market
20) As nervous as a turkey at Christmas
21) She ran off quicker than sh** off a shovel
22) She's as fit as a butchers dog
23) Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
24) If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
25) Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
26) Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
27) Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we
are already there?
28) Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
29) Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the
unexpected expected?
30) If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

[Shamrock]

Why do we drive on a parkway, and park on a driveway?